If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
