I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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