so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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