You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize