i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and she was petting her beer can
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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