Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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