I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
