I heard we made out
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize