You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
