I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
