plz talk dirty to me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
