I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
