I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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