LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
