The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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