This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize