made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
