the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The adults are the big ones right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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