I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
