Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
