I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
