I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
