wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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