My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
