I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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