i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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