she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
