haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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