Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
