You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
