i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
