so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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