I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
