We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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