Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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