I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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