I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
