I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
