I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
