quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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