feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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