Pants 0. Shit 1.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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