I've blown a few things in my day
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
