im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
