he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
