Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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