your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
