she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
