Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
