just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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