there's paper in my vomit.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
