woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
