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And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
