why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
