i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
