i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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