Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
