Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
