Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
