that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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