There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
