WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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