and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
