I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
