I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
smell my finger.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
