Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize