Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
