Your face is a jimmy john
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize