ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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